Time to breathe...............

This was originally written back in May, but I forgot to post it.

Well, tax season is over and I finally have some time to breathe. I know it is May but I have not had the chance until now to take a deep breath. On April 10th, I had a friend from many years ago come to visit. She said that she could not stand LA any longer and need to make a change. She arrived finally and was sick with a case of shingles. I can relate that it is painful, but life must go on to some extent. The month that the person was here really was a waste of time. Now, please understand I love my friends, but I am not going to allow anyone to stay with us any longer to get on their feet because we are always taken advantage of and we are the bad guys.

She sat around for over 2 weeks just complaining about how lousy she felt. I told her that we could pay for her to be seen by a clinic here and she finally agreed. We got her the medicine so she could feel better and she still continued to just gripe and complain. As time went on, I had to admit that she has a number of emotional and mental issues. Her kids walked out on her and she can't figure out why they do not want to be around her. I know I am not a psychologist, but I can recognize things when I see them. She is severely depressed, paranoid, co-dependent, as well as bi-polar or borderline personality disorder. In the month that she was here I doubt that she bathed a total of 3 times. She ate ice cream like it was going out of style daily and would let her cockatoo eat out of her mouth. Many times during the day she would bring the bird out and tell the bird, "Say Hello" "Say I Love You" and all it would do is squak loudly. She was up one minute and then crying her eyes out the next. If anything was said to her about needing help for the emotional roller coaster that she was on she immediately became defensive. She said that she was continually yelled at. I did raise my voice and it was in desperate frustration that she was doing nothing. She wanted everything handed to her on a silver platter and to do everything in her power to sit on her butt and play the "whoa is me", "I am having a never ending pity party." After her stupid comment, I never raised my voice to her because I never knew how she would react.

Whenever anything was said about looking for a job it was always an excuse. I had no other choice but to conclude from her behavior that she wanted nothing to do with a job. She is 48 and will be 49 later this year and is trying to relive her youth for lack of a better explanation. She thinks she can go to Paul Mitchell, learn to cut hair and then follow bands like My Chemical Romance around cutting their hair. She is dellusional if she thinks that young bands want a 49 y/o following them around. She said many times that Gerard Way's mom was named the same as she and her middle name was the same as hers. I thinks she wants to mother him in place of her grandmother and kids.

Her Grandmother, bless her heart has Alzheimers and is 96. It is safe to say that she will most likely not be around much longer. She will soon be in the position that she does not know the people from one day to the next that care for her. She will become more and more not in touch with what is going on and will most likely become combative. She REFUSES to face the truth that this is most likely what will happen.

She up and left on Sunday. I must admit it was a big relief and weight lifted. I know that she will bad mouth us as she did that to us about others that tried to help her. She will continue to do this until she burns every bridge that she has for help. I feel bad for her, but I can no longer allow her to bad mouth my husband, Michael and myself for that matter. Late Tuesday (close to midnight) she sent me an email that said she is sorry and that she is very, very sick. Then this afternoon while I am on the way home from my shift at the Family History Center she goes off about Justin doing something. I come home having not really reading the email and Justin is disoriented and cannot remember most of the afternoon. 

We did what we could to help her. She let the bird eat part of the wall and so now we have to patch that. The bird went poo all over a blanket over a stand and all over the table. Now we have to clean everthing.
She takes the bird with her everywhere. She thinks it is cute. It is not. She is dependent on the bird as well as we would hear her have long conversations with the bird. Then she has the nerve to say that we are on the wrong, lied to her and every other accusation in the world.

I made the decision to block her from sending me messages. I just cannot tolerate her violent mood swings
and trying to figure out is she is up, down, or completely flipped out. She can't understand why people are just turning their backs on her. Well I can. She is out of her noodle and no one in their right mind can deal with her instablility. I hope she gets some help.

My own mental health has been in question for the last couple of days.  I have done what I could but it is up to her now. I had to put it in the hands of the Lord because she refuses to listen if you have a different view or tell her she needs to seek mental health help. Is she a danger to herself? Yes to some extent. Will she harm herself? She says no but then those that commit suicide sometimes say that too. Is she a danger to others? Not really except that she is living in a world of denial and non-reality.

I am sad to say that I am going to have to shut her out as I cannot allow her to constantly try to have me feed her co-dependency and cycles of irrationality. I refuse to allow her to speak ill of Michael or Justin any longer. I know that they have their quirks and that Justin sometimes does things that are a bit harsh but he has medical issues and she has not one clue as to what he deals with. He is not always in his right mind. He is not perfect but none of us are.

Next week, we go up to the area of Mt. Rainier for the mini-trek. I do not think that the ma's, pa's, aunt's, & uncle's are realizing that they will be trekking somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 miles in a little over a day. They will not have to clear brush that they are going to make the kids do but they will have to cross a stream. They are really pushing these kids. I know they will do it. I am so glad that I am just doing cooking for the base camp. In June we will have a total of 25 handcarts. Approx 10 kids to a cart/family, ma & pa along with one aunt or uncle. That is a total of about 240 with support staff, medical, cooking, etc. This is going to be something very powerful.